Unfortunately we've determined that your application did not meet up to our standards.

There is still a lack of coherency in the samples and the structure of many sentences are questionable. For coherency, the ideas and actions jump from place to place with little connection between them, making it confusing for the reader. For the structure, there are still grammatical errors. The biggest error is the use of sentence fragments throughout the sample. While some fragments are acceptable for style, they are to be used deliberately and to convey a certain effect on the reader, such as isolating a significant point. In your samples, this does not appear to be the case, and instead it makes the writing stilted and choppy. All of this together makes the writing hard to follow for the reader.

We hope this helps you understand why we could not accept this application and that you keep these thoughts in mind in your further endeavors.