While the application shows promise, there are a few things that either didn't quite meet our standards, were lacking, or incorrect. Fortunately we feel that this can be easily revised. Here are our concerns:
There's one hing about Hayner's personality that we'd like to be clarified—his sense of "mistrust." We couldn't really understand what you meant in your Personality section, so if you clarify that a bit more that would be great. We'd also like you to expand the Third Person sample a bit. It has a good start, but falls a a bit short and doesn't really delve too much into the character. The second half is just a bit too jarring when read.
Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!
Revision
There's one hing about Hayner's personality that we'd like to be clarified—his sense of "mistrust." We couldn't really understand what you meant in your Personality section, so if you clarify that a bit more that would be great. We'd also like you to expand the Third Person sample a bit. It has a good start, but falls a a bit short and doesn't really delve too much into the character. The second half is just a bit too jarring when read.
Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!