While the application shows promise, there are a few things that either didn't quite meet our standards, were lacking, or incorrect. Fortunately we feel that this can be easily revised. Here are our concerns:

We noticed that there was a lot of verb tense shifting in the sample. To keep with our standards, we'd like for you to revise the sample so that the verb tenses are consistent.

Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!