While the application shows promise, there are a few things that either didn't quite meet our standards, were lacking, or incorrect. Fortunately we feel that this can be easily revised. Here are our concerns:
The current Personality section reads a lot more like a summary Background section of the character. Although it gives some examples of what his personality is like, it doesn't really focus on those traits. Rather than just facts and examples, we'd like to see more of the "how's" these events affect him. Perhaps consider talking about his strengths and weaknesses; how he started and how he later develops.
Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!
Revision
The current Personality section reads a lot more like a summary Background section of the character. Although it gives some examples of what his personality is like, it doesn't really focus on those traits. Rather than just facts and examples, we'd like to see more of the "how's" these events affect him. Perhaps consider talking about his strengths and weaknesses; how he started and how he later develops.
Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!