While the application shows promise, there are a few things that either didn't quite meet our standards, were lacking, or incorrect. Fortunately we feel that this can be easily revised. Here are our concerns:
After going through your app, there are a few points that we would like you to revise to match the criteria we've set forth for MMO OCs.
For the BACKGROUND, we noticed that while you made effort to not have the character involved with the Warrior of Light storyline, there is not a lot of Sarangerel's own personal story. As a result, we do not actually get a feel for her as a character. Instead, the way it is currently written makes her sound like a witness to the Warrior of Light's story, and because of this there is more overlap than there should be.
While there are places where she could have joined the Warrior of Light to help fight, like the Crystal Tower for example, she could not be directly invovled with the actual happenings that the Warrior of Light experiences. She could hear about it later, but not witness it. Another example of an impossible overlap is Sarangerel's involvement at Ishgard. In the Heavensward storyline, only the Warrior of Light and the NPCs were involved with those events. Everyone else had scattered. She could have heard about everything, but she could not have directly witnessed it. She also cannot have any close relationships with NPCs, so knowing Ysale as a friend would not be allowed.
Finally, including the rogue and ninja line in Sarangerel's story while later becoming an arcanist is granting her far too many abilities and prowess than would normally be allowed. Only the Warrior of Light is capable of so many roles. What is possible is that she might have learned some basic skills that is not necessarily job specific, but she can't have become an expert at everything.
This sense of being too skilled continues in the ABILITIES section. Due to how Final Fantasy XIV's lore works, it would not be possible for Sarangerel to be a Scholar. There is only one known job stone for it, and that is granted to the Warrior of Light. The Summoner job is doable, but you would need to write how Sarangerel learns it as she would not have access to the actual in-game quest since that one in particular is for the Warrior of Light only.
Given the changes required in the above mentioned sections, we would like for you to reflect more character development in the PERSONALITY section so that it will match the revised information. What you have right now is a bit basic and could use some fleshing out.
Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!
Revision
After going through your app, there are a few points that we would like you to revise to match the criteria we've set forth for MMO OCs.
For the BACKGROUND, we noticed that while you made effort to not have the character involved with the Warrior of Light storyline, there is not a lot of Sarangerel's own personal story. As a result, we do not actually get a feel for her as a character. Instead, the way it is currently written makes her sound like a witness to the Warrior of Light's story, and because of this there is more overlap than there should be.
While there are places where she could have joined the Warrior of Light to help fight, like the Crystal Tower for example, she could not be directly invovled with the actual happenings that the Warrior of Light experiences. She could hear about it later, but not witness it. Another example of an impossible overlap is Sarangerel's involvement at Ishgard. In the Heavensward storyline, only the Warrior of Light and the NPCs were involved with those events. Everyone else had scattered. She could have heard about everything, but she could not have directly witnessed it. She also cannot have any close relationships with NPCs, so knowing Ysale as a friend would not be allowed.
Finally, including the rogue and ninja line in Sarangerel's story while later becoming an arcanist is granting her far too many abilities and prowess than would normally be allowed. Only the Warrior of Light is capable of so many roles. What is possible is that she might have learned some basic skills that is not necessarily job specific, but she can't have become an expert at everything.
This sense of being too skilled continues in the ABILITIES section. Due to how Final Fantasy XIV's lore works, it would not be possible for Sarangerel to be a Scholar. There is only one known job stone for it, and that is granted to the Warrior of Light. The Summoner job is doable, but you would need to write how Sarangerel learns it as she would not have access to the actual in-game quest since that one in particular is for the Warrior of Light only.
Given the changes required in the above mentioned sections, we would like for you to reflect more character development in the PERSONALITY section so that it will match the revised information. What you have right now is a bit basic and could use some fleshing out.
Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!