While the application shows promise, there are a few things that either didn't quite meet our standards, were lacking, or incorrect. Fortunately we feel that this can be easily revised. Here are our concerns:

We would like to see a greater expansion on Marona's background, most particularly with regards to the events of the game itself. The current background skims or omits entirely numerous key points in the story, such as befriending Castile, Marona's transition from pariah to savior, the very existence of Walnut, Sienna, Sprout, Cauldron -- numerous figures whose existence was critical in the story.

In addition, we would like to see Marona's personality section expanded. At present it is a list of traits in a vacuum; we would like to see support for these traits from canon, particularly as they relate to major events and interactions from the story.

We also suggest, while revising, that you generally review your grammar for accuracy and quality.

Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!