While the application shows promise, there are a few things that either didn't quite meet our standards, were lacking, or incorrect. Fortunately we feel that this can be easily revised. Here are our concerns:

Given the significance of Serah's fiance to her life, we would like to see an expansion on their relationship and how it has affected her.

Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!