While the application shows promise, there are a few things that either didn't quite meet our standards, were lacking, or incorrect. Fortunately we feel that this can be easily revised. Here are our concerns:

The personality section currently is full of sentences that are put together awkwardly or are grammatically incorrect. We would like to see this thoroughly proofread in order for us to be able to understand it more easily.

Please submit your revisions as its own comment in reply to this one. You have one week to submit the revisions, otherwise we will consider it a revocation of your application. If you have any questions or concerns, ask away!