So I am a total goofball, as I only pasted the second half of the sample I wrote into my application post. Gosh!! I guess this is what I get for writing in Word and then formatting while I'm sleepy...
Anyway, her application post should have the full sample now. I've also added on a more solid conclusion, since I wasn't satisfied with the length or breadth of the sample myself.
I hope this is better! Just let me know if you'd like me to expound a little more.
Edit: or, gosh, I could read the comment I've been sent. Here is the revised sample as a comment in reply to yours. Sorry for all the confusion, I'm (more than) a little sleepy.
***
When Shirley had been young, full of all the sincere confidence of an eight year old savior, she had tried to convince Stella to let her help sweep their cottage. The broom is too big for you, Shirley, Stella had said, with a teasing smile on her face. I’m afraid I’ll find you in the dustpan instead of the dirt.
Well, Stella had hardly been bigger so, after a campaign, Shirley was allowed to grasp the tall broom in her small hands. While Shirley swept, Stella washed windows and sang an old marching song. Although most of the dust Shirley swept ended up rearranged on the floor instead of in the dustpan, she had felt so proud that she had been able to manage it all by herself.
It had been years since she thought of that afternoon but, as Shirley neatly brushed up yesterday’s dust from her floor and watched dust motes float through a warm sunbeam, Stella’s tune suddenly came back to her. She couldn’t remember the words, so she began to hum; and as she hummed, the sunlight spun itself into one little glowing bird, then two, then three. They fluttered around her face, chirping in harmony to the song.
Shirley couldn’t help it. A smile spread across her face, as she remembered the name of the song:
“ ‘The Bird Chirps, I Sing,’ ” she said, holding out a hand out for one. It landed delicately on her fingertips, warm and weightless, before taking to the air.
It was amazing, she thought, what a good memory and feeling could become in Empatheias. And a little odd, too; it was strange to open her front door to warm and cheerful sunshine, only to walk a few blocks down into the heavy, pressing gloom of a despondent youth. But now really wasn’t the time to be distracted: if she wanted to make it to work on time, she had to finish her cleaning.
In Shirley’s opinion, there was a certain satisfaction to be found in a clean and tidy home. It wasn’t hard, if you kept at it little by little… and didn’t let small messes turn into big one. When she used to live with Senel, she would keep a rug by the door; that way, when he came home with muddy feet, as he was wont to do after a hard day of work in a shipyard, most of it would get on the rug instead of her nice, clean floor.
Thinking of Senel who, by the virtue of being a boy, has brought mess and trouble into her life since the day they met, brought about a sharp pang of loneliness to her chest. She missed him—(and Chloe, Norma, Jay, Will, Moses, and Grune, too)—fiercely whenever she stopped to think about it. Shirley’s fingers tightened around the broom handle as the tune dwindled from her throat, and the little birds made of sunlight faded and split back into dancing motes of light.
It had already been a week since Shirley had been called the island of Empatheias. How long would it be until she returned home? Would she ever see her friends again? As things stood now… she didn’t know. But, as difficult as it was, she couldn’t hide away in the house and worry about it.
“There’s still plenty of work to be done here,” Shirley told herself, nodding firmly. She was far from the only one trapped here—there were dozens of other new arrivals, each with their own cares and concerns for their homes.
With so many people working together, Shirley is certain they’ll find answers—hopefully sooner rather than later.
Re: Revision
Anyway, her application post should have the full sample now. I've also added on a more solid conclusion, since I wasn't satisfied with the length or breadth of the sample myself.
I hope this is better! Just let me know if you'd like me to expound a little more.
Edit: or, gosh, I could read the comment I've been sent. Here is the revised sample as a comment in reply to yours. Sorry for all the confusion, I'm (more than) a little sleepy.
***
When Shirley had been young, full of all the sincere confidence of an eight year old savior, she had tried to convince Stella to let her help sweep their cottage. The broom is too big for you, Shirley, Stella had said, with a teasing smile on her face. I’m afraid I’ll find you in the dustpan instead of the dirt.
Well, Stella had hardly been bigger so, after a campaign, Shirley was allowed to grasp the tall broom in her small hands. While Shirley swept, Stella washed windows and sang an old marching song. Although most of the dust Shirley swept ended up rearranged on the floor instead of in the dustpan, she had felt so proud that she had been able to manage it all by herself.
It had been years since she thought of that afternoon but, as Shirley neatly brushed up yesterday’s dust from her floor and watched dust motes float through a warm sunbeam, Stella’s tune suddenly came back to her. She couldn’t remember the words, so she began to hum; and as she hummed, the sunlight spun itself into one little glowing bird, then two, then three. They fluttered around her face, chirping in harmony to the song.
Shirley couldn’t help it. A smile spread across her face, as she remembered the name of the song:
“ ‘The Bird Chirps, I Sing,’ ” she said, holding out a hand out for one. It landed delicately on her fingertips, warm and weightless, before taking to the air.
It was amazing, she thought, what a good memory and feeling could become in Empatheias. And a little odd, too; it was strange to open her front door to warm and cheerful sunshine, only to walk a few blocks down into the heavy, pressing gloom of a despondent youth. But now really wasn’t the time to be distracted: if she wanted to make it to work on time, she had to finish her cleaning.
In Shirley’s opinion, there was a certain satisfaction to be found in a clean and tidy home. It wasn’t hard, if you kept at it little by little… and didn’t let small messes turn into big one. When she used to live with Senel, she would keep a rug by the door; that way, when he came home with muddy feet, as he was wont to do after a hard day of work in a shipyard, most of it would get on the rug instead of her nice, clean floor.
Thinking of Senel who, by the virtue of being a boy, has brought mess and trouble into her life since the day they met, brought about a sharp pang of loneliness to her chest. She missed him—(and Chloe, Norma, Jay, Will, Moses, and Grune, too)—fiercely whenever she stopped to think about it. Shirley’s fingers tightened around the broom handle as the tune dwindled from her throat, and the little birds made of sunlight faded and split back into dancing motes of light.
It had already been a week since Shirley had been called the island of Empatheias. How long would it be until she returned home? Would she ever see her friends again? As things stood now… she didn’t know. But, as difficult as it was, she couldn’t hide away in the house and worry about it.
“There’s still plenty of work to be done here,” Shirley told herself, nodding firmly. She was far from the only one trapped here—there were dozens of other new arrivals, each with their own cares and concerns for their homes.
With so many people working together, Shirley is certain they’ll find answers—hopefully sooner rather than later.