These dictations are part of Kierella's internal guide, and while she may wish to change their direction at times, she does not ever outright disagree with them. For instance, just before killing her father, Kierella almost felt the need to give up the idea of murdering him because she experienced a flare-up--a "glitch"--of old human emotions, but in the end, she understood and gave into what the guide was telling her, which was to kill Kash. She prefers to defend those deserving of life and to vanquish those who prey upon others, but what people deserve is not always so cut-and-dry, and so when her internal guide tells her to kill someone, she will do so with a cold efficiency. Killing is not difficult for her, and it's not angry or cruel. It's a task, although occasionally she may take it on with lusty satisfaction, especially if her target is someone undoubtedly cruel.
Based upon that description, it might be easy for some to label her as a cold-blooded, evil creature, but what puts a wrench in things is that Kierella treats people with respect and openness, although she may be aloof at times. In fact, the emotions that seem to be the strongest and thus the most unchanged for her are: determination, camaraderie, and protectiveness. Any expression of joy or excitement are muted at best, if they occur at all, but she acts in a generally calm, accepting manner. On the other hand, the emotions that seem to be the weakest and thus the most absent for her are grief, love, and anger.
Kierella does not care much for first impressions, but she recognizes that they can sometimes be a barrier for achieving something. As such, she may not talk much at first: she is getting a read on the other person, attempting to understand her role in the interaction and what estranged emotions the other person may be feeling. As she begins to talk and interact, it's obvious to the other person that something is "off" about her. First of all, Kierella is an absolutely open book. She is a straightforward person who speaks in truths with ridiculous ease, and as soon as the other person asks, "What's wrong?" or says, "You seem a little weird," she will at once tell the person that she is a spirit who sacrificed her humanity to the demi-god of death. Nobody believes her until they see her phasing through walls--which even in her world is completely unheard of. Kierella deals with facts and honesty. Why should she care about embarrassing herself or hiding anything? Lies hardly achieve anything for her.
Secondly, Kierella has a hard time conveying humor. She can understand a joke on its most basic level, but she can't laugh because something's funny. Her Mercenary Guild has a running competition to see if they can get her to laugh--so far, the most anybody has managed is a somewhat scary-looking smile. When Kierella herself attempts a joke, they always fall flat or even refuse to make grammatical sense, as if her brain can't creatively process. The effect is varied: sometimes people laugh because it sounds so awkward from her, sometimes people are frightened. Regardless, unless someone points out to her that her joke wasn't funny, she doesn't notice that she failed at humor--again. Well, it's not as if being funny is a top priority for her.
While she may have this scary "puppet of Death" side to her, but during real conversations, her less serious interactions come across as awkward. The easy honesty combined with weird emotions and bad humor mean that when she talks to you and it's not something serious, she just sounds weird. What makes it worse is that she doesn't notice when she being awkward. Someone has to tell her, but even then, she doesn't "get it" enough to change some tic or wording next time.
In her relationships, Kierella has a neutral opinion about them and does a lot of metaphorical shoulder-shrugging--no surprise there. She sees no need for romantic relationships and doesn't understand love anyway. In regards to friendships, she doesn't feel as though she needs them--she doesn't get lonely, really--and depending on the other person they may become bothersome, but most of the time she accepts them if the other person wants to hang around her. They're not doing her any harm, and in fact they may be deserving of her protection. She may not have a deep understanding of what it means to be human anymore, but she can still value a life--an oxymoron given how easily she can kill someone, but she doesn't see it this way.
It seems unlikely that any of Keirella's robot-like personality could change, but sometimes people that become closer to her can remind her over and over again of human feeling, just by their presence. It's not much consolation, but for some people, it's enough.
part 9
Based upon that description, it might be easy for some to label her as a cold-blooded, evil creature, but what puts a wrench in things is that Kierella treats people with respect and openness, although she may be aloof at times. In fact, the emotions that seem to be the strongest and thus the most unchanged for her are: determination, camaraderie, and protectiveness. Any expression of joy or excitement are muted at best, if they occur at all, but she acts in a generally calm, accepting manner. On the other hand, the emotions that seem to be the weakest and thus the most absent for her are grief, love, and anger.
Kierella does not care much for first impressions, but she recognizes that they can sometimes be a barrier for achieving something. As such, she may not talk much at first: she is getting a read on the other person, attempting to understand her role in the interaction and what estranged emotions the other person may be feeling. As she begins to talk and interact, it's obvious to the other person that something is "off" about her. First of all, Kierella is an absolutely open book. She is a straightforward person who speaks in truths with ridiculous ease, and as soon as the other person asks, "What's wrong?" or says, "You seem a little weird," she will at once tell the person that she is a spirit who sacrificed her humanity to the demi-god of death. Nobody believes her until they see her phasing through walls--which even in her world is completely unheard of. Kierella deals with facts and honesty. Why should she care about embarrassing herself or hiding anything? Lies hardly achieve anything for her.
Secondly, Kierella has a hard time conveying humor. She can understand a joke on its most basic level, but she can't laugh because something's funny. Her Mercenary Guild has a running competition to see if they can get her to laugh--so far, the most anybody has managed is a somewhat scary-looking smile. When Kierella herself attempts a joke, they always fall flat or even refuse to make grammatical sense, as if her brain can't creatively process. The effect is varied: sometimes people laugh because it sounds so awkward from her, sometimes people are frightened. Regardless, unless someone points out to her that her joke wasn't funny, she doesn't notice that she failed at humor--again. Well, it's not as if being funny is a top priority for her.
While she may have this scary "puppet of Death" side to her, but during real conversations, her less serious interactions come across as awkward. The easy honesty combined with weird emotions and bad humor mean that when she talks to you and it's not something serious, she just sounds weird. What makes it worse is that she doesn't notice when she being awkward. Someone has to tell her, but even then, she doesn't "get it" enough to change some tic or wording next time.
In her relationships, Kierella has a neutral opinion about them and does a lot of metaphorical shoulder-shrugging--no surprise there. She sees no need for romantic relationships and doesn't understand love anyway. In regards to friendships, she doesn't feel as though she needs them--she doesn't get lonely, really--and depending on the other person they may become bothersome, but most of the time she accepts them if the other person wants to hang around her. They're not doing her any harm, and in fact they may be deserving of her protection. She may not have a deep understanding of what it means to be human anymore, but she can still value a life--an oxymoron given how easily she can kill someone, but she doesn't see it this way.
It seems unlikely that any of Keirella's robot-like personality could change, but sometimes people that become closer to her can remind her over and over again of human feeling, just by their presence. It's not much consolation, but for some people, it's enough.