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To: Sergei
From: Sanae Kochiya |

miraculo
Date: 6/03
Message:

Dear Mr. Sergei Taciyon,

[ Oh boy oh boy, she's contacting a person of authority...! How nerve-wracking already. She hopes she's doing this right. ] You may not know me, but I'm writing to you first to apologize for what I have recently done. I have contacted the Arehtei known as Peromei two weeks ago. I have invited her here to take my completed amulet. [ She was helped in contacting Peromei with someone else, but the idea was her own so she thinks she should get all the blame in this. ] I wasn't sure what to do at first, and I thought that nothing bad would happen because all I wanted to do was to share my hope with her. Then someone brought up how Peromei could also cause a lot of damage, and I realized that I made a mistake in contacting her since she might hurt those here.

I believe that she is on her way, but I do not know how far away she may be. She seemed to be completely preoccupied with someone else's despair on this island before I offered her hope, and she is currently in a state of despair herself, so maybe we still have time to prepare. I believe the best way to prepare for her arrival is to gather more hope and send it to her.

I am very sorry for calling her.

Sincerely,

Sanae Kochiya

To: Sanae Kochiya
From: Sergei
Date: 6/03; same day
Message:

My office.

Now.

[ She's going to head to his office, forever nervous. Being around so many official and important looking people doesn't serve to help! Do they already know what she's done? Is that why they're looking at her like that? Or is it because she's a weirdo with green hair and the resting face of the Enforcers is always of something stern and cold?

His secretary will announce her presence and lead her into his office. Sanae wonders if she must be offered a seat first before taking the one opposite of his desk, so she remains standing. ]

[It's mostly the weirdo with green hair bit.

Sergei doesn't even wait for her to sit. He doesn't even wait for his secretary to close the door. The moment Sanae appears he stares at her and speaks.]

Tell me everything you did, everything you said, and everything the Arehtei said.

[No invitation to sit, no command to remain standing.

Is he angry? Is he calm? Is he...anything? It's hard to tell. There are no visible signs of any kind of emotion, but the air may be a bit more chill than outside. But maybe that's just the cooling system. Maybe Sergei likes his office a little colder than others. After all, he's always wearing that long jacket, even with the weather turning warmer.]

[ She has no idea, but she's trying to not break down in front of him. What an intimidating guy...! And she dun messed up, she knows that.Since she hasn't been given permission to sit, she won't, and instead stand there and let the color drain from her face.

Sanae clears her throat before she begins, but her voice won't be even. ] ...I modified a summoning ritual I use in my world to summon gods, turning it into something that can be used for communication. Using emotions of hope, I began to reach out into the world for the emotions that Peromei represents: hope and despair. It is a bit like reaching out blindly, but at a certain point, I began to feel a little bit of despair. Then more, like a gradient. I followed that trail of despair in the direction it would intensity, and then I found its source: Peromei. The conversation wasn't with words, but more with feelings...

[ She adjusts, holding one of her arms with the opposite hand. ] She was in a great amount of despair-- almost about anything, I thought. But she seemed especially despairing over someone else's despair-- someone on the island, who must be generating a great amount of it. I asked her how I could help, I offered her some of my hope. That's when her attention turned onto me. She was attracted to that hope, almost as much as the despair she felt. [ It makes sense to Sanae, how someone in despair would want that hope. Strange; Junko said she didn't want hope. ]

She noticed that my amulet was complete-- ah. I don't have it here with me, but... it's complete and white. [ A pause, and she continues. ] She wanted it. Actually, she even seemed surprised that there were completed amulets. [ She must be referring to completed amulets aligned to her, because obviously there are completed amulets anyway. ] I offered her my amulet to take, inviting her here to have it and all the hope I could give her. After that, she broke the communication. The conversation lasted less than fifteen minutes.

[ She believes that covers everything, so with that she breathes out slowly, looking at him warily and wearily. And when she really can't read his emotions at all, she looks down at the ground and bows. ] I'm... really, truly sorry. I'll do anything to make up for this.

[He just sits there, still staring at her with that impenetrable gaze and is silent for several tense seconds before responding.]

Two weeks. [The words are quiet. Perhaps too quiet.] You knew of this for two whole weeks. Fourteen days, three hundred and thirty-six hours.

Were you planning on informing us, Miss Kochiya?

[ She straightens up, cringing. ] ...I wasn't thinking to. I was too... hopeful.

[ She isn't making eye contact. ] Someone else pointing out that people could be hurt. [ Sanae is an idiot y/y? ]

[Very much, "Y."]

So, you weren't going to tell anyone that you made contact with Peromei until perhaps after she showed up? Were you "hoping" that you could surprise us with your achievement, thinking that we'd congratulate you on your efforts?

[Still he is calm and quiet. And fact he almost sounds humorous.

Sounds.]

.....No... um, to the congratulations part, I mean. [ Uh oh. ] I was hopeful to help Peromei with my hope, though.

[ Always hopeful. ]

And then what did you plan to do? Let's say Peromei did come for your amulet. Then what?

What were you originally thinking?

I was going to give her my amulet and... whatever else I could offer her, to help her feel less in despair...! [ And her voice only raises a little by the end because she's desperate. She wants to help-- and after communicating with Peromei and sensing her despair, all she wanted to do was reach out and help her.

But realizing she almost shouted at him, she quiets. Her hands grip her skirt tightly. ] If...-- If I could, I'd go out there instead of her coming here, but I didn't think of that, either, I'm sorry, I should have-- [ But she didn't, and that's what matters.

She falls silent after this. Perhaps she still can try to fly out there instead? Meet Peromei half-way? Oh, sure they say only ten minutes on her own, but perhaps she can petition Elios or. Or something. She has to do something more, if arranging for a group of people to send hope to Peromei on the island isn't enough. ]

That's right, you didn't think. [Now someone else might notice her distress and he does indeed see that she realizes what she did was stupid.

However, Sergei isn't that "someone else." He's in his position for a reason, and it wasn't for his sunny personality.]

Miss Kochiya, if I couldn't plainly see how much of an idiot you are, I would have thought you planned on "summoning" this Arehtei and use it for your own purposes. To not even tell your own people or even us about this is the stupidest thing and most reckless thing I ever heard of and if that Arehtei wants you, I would just put you on an unmanned airship and send you out there for it to take on its own.

[His voice remains that odd, steady clip, each word a hard edge aimed to slice at Sanae's already shaken guard.]

But I'm not that ruthless, nor would it serve for any purpose. We've seen how Elios behaved—just "one" isn't going to sate its desire. So put away any self-sacrificing thoughts out of your head. [A pointed look, as if he read her mind—although given her countenance, it's not that hard to guess her thoughts.] All you would do is incite it and make it even worse.

Rather than make plans to try and drive it away, the only course of action is to assume the worst and prepare for it. We've already started discussions about preparing for another Arehtei appearance because it's not a question of "if" but "when." Looks like we'll be putting some of those discussions to the test.

[Now there's a shift in his expression—his mouth thinning to a very tight line.]

We at least know it's after you, so putting you away from the city is our best course of action. I also don't have much faith that you, your people, or even ours would be able to create enough hope for it to dissuade it. Temper it, maybe, but if Elios is anything to go by, it will want more.

[A sigh, one that reflects his own mild irritation both at the girl and at the situation.]

I'll be contacting Fulbright and Lee about this. You, [He stares hard at her.] are to do nothing but inform everyone and find anyone who might be of use. If you manage to receive any contact from the Arehtei, you are to report it at once.

Understood?

[ What he says is absolutely something she needs to hear, and perhaps some would say the blunter he is, the better it would get across. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt her to hear it.

The air doesn't suddenly condense into cloud, doesn't begin to rain. Her furniture will be spared, thankfully. Instead the color will slowly drain away from the immediate area around her, expanding outward as he continues to speak. When it gets to just where he is, all other sounds will be gone as well. All, except for his words that now resonate within this isolated space. Words, his words are important. What she hears is important. What he's saying is the truth. As such, everything else must be cancelled out so that she can focus on them.

And Sanae? Sanae stands completely still, numb as if each syllable of that speech is a knife into each joint, nerve and muscle. But her thoughts and feelings wildly churning below the surface of her expression; not consciously, but flowing freely, following each sentence with her own rationalizations added on, such as this is why she fails, this is why she's failed as a god, this is why she will never fulfill her duty. And... this is proof that she's the antithesis of what she believes a god to be. A god should never under any circumstance put others in danger. Accidents, good intentions-- it doesn't matter. It won't matter to this man, it won't matter to any god at all. But this is what she has done, so she's the one at fault. First with the chocolates, now with Peromei. She's tried to help others, tried to bring happiness. The reality is that she's only succeeded in putting thousands in danger.

She's not a god, much less a priestess. Hell, she's not even a decent human being for doing that. No good deed she's ever done can make up for this. Now she questions if any of those time she has helped really resulted in happiness or help. Maybe she simply wasn't looking enough, maybe she was too stupidly hopeful to see any damage that could come from those other times. Maybe, maybe all that she's done really only hurts others in the end. And no, it doesn't matter if nothing has even happened with Peromei. Just the possibility of harming others is enough.

In her mind, two are walking away from her: one tall and bold, the other shorter and sly. They leave her not by disappearing like she thought they would, but by turning their backs to her. The last looks she receives is the final knife to her heart: disappointment fills red eyes, sorrow fills yellow, just like Sanae's. But that's all she imagines, because the two walk away into a light she can no longer see, that's no longer allowed for someone like her. Someone who's failed so gravely. She can't even call out to them anymore. She has no right to as someone who neither deserves to be called their servant nor their peer.

In some way, Sanae almost wishes she could go out into the world at large, even if it is reckless, because if she failed at least she wouldn't be putting anyone else in danger by her own causes any longer. Because what if what she tries here with what he's suggesting also fails, also makes it worse? She would be an even greater fool, much farther from what she wants to be. Not that she's even close to ever being a good person or god again.

This would all normally generate an emotion drop in the amount of time he takes to give her that speech. But her crystal beneath her blouse remains empty as ever. Actually, she feels weak where she stands, and it takes her a moment to realize that Sergei has stopped speaking and that she must respond lest she come off as a greater idiot. She speaks at last, her voice thready and faint, but very clear in the void of sound and color she's created. ] Y...yes, sir.

[ She bows to him again. That's all she has to say at this point. Like the rest of her body, even her throat feels numb. ]

[Sergei notices the changes, but it doesn't stop him or change anything. Whether he can tell what she's thinking or feeling, he makes no expression, word, or motion to indicate it. Instead, all he says is:]

Then you are dismissed.

[ And she leaves without another word. ]

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